Below is a journal I wrote while trying to find my enneagram type. I was pretty clueless in the beginning, and all the resources overwhelmed me. Types, subtypes…wings and paths to stress and intergration? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? Well, I’ve discovered some helpful info, which I’ve linked below (not affiliated at all–just giving free into, as I always do here). That’s why I have a shop, if you would be so kind to peruse and gander–that would be lovely! Because it allows me to keep this website up and running. 🤩
The REalization
Oh boy. So, I am finding that I may actually be a 9 wing 1 that has sadly disintegrated to 6 for a while. Sigh. I see the good traits of hard work from being a six that I have, but I recognize that I haven’t been “living for myself” for a while. I don’t want to live through others, I want to help others, lol. I would like to foster my talents, as 3s do. I don’t believe the point is to envy or feel inferior…I like the traits of enneagram 9s and forgot that it is a part of my nature. I am happy to draw on new things to learn, particularly seeing myself as someone who deserves to know herself.
I see why I enjoy being in the present so much–not only is it important, but it’s in my nature. Peace is found in the present. I’ve had a sense of grief that I’ve buried my being in endless thoughts of doubt and confusion, when I really longed for peace. And what’s most interesting about it is that it’s right in front of me.
It’s time to Get connected To Myself Again
Before knowing this, I would have never guessed I was in the gut triad. Looking back, I’ve been very attached to my body, but have become so removed from my instincts that I forgot that is where I live. I always thought I didn’t like exercise, but I’ve found that’s not true at all. I’ve typically started exercising in the past (and presently) to lose weight. I see now that it’s more than that. It’s a way to keep me grounded in myself–and in the present. I am doing something for myself now, in this very moment, and it’s keeping me healthy.
I care so deeply for others, but I have needs and opinions, too. I love that I can place myself in others shoes, but I literally forgot myself so much to the point of adopting a 6’s being. I appreciate the things I’ve learned, but that is not who I truly am.
Narrowing Down My Type
I was uncertain at first whether I really identified as a 6 or 9, so I looked up how to make things clearer. That’s when I noticed the relationship of 6s with 9s. This prompted me to do more research and a few people mentioned online about the enneagram songs by Sleeping at Last. I first listened to the 6 song, and I definitely could relate. But then, I listened to the 9 song. I sobbed…for a while. It was so completely the way I feel, but I had no clue up until then that was really me. Classic 9 trait, I guess, haha. But that’s ok. I like that I’m gentle…I like that I’m kind.
I see that my instincts, these things I’ve been struggling with, were real inside. I knew something felt off, but I couldn’t reason it away. I just needed to allow myself to feel, to process…not analyze or ruminate for too long. And now I’m not afraid to face them anymore. Not like I used to be, anyway. Good or bad, things need to be experienced– openly and with complete acceptance. This is really big for me.
What does This Mean Moving Forward?
I know I still have so much ahead of me, but now that I’ve returned to my roots, I can better face these challenges day by day. I am reading the transformations for 9, and I trust these affirmations and releases will sink into truth. I’ve been able to know and see others so well, and now it’s time I know myself. I have my own unique gifts to bring, some of which I’ve been doing already that I didn’t appreciate before. I’m excited to continue on with using what I have and to develop some new skills.
Wondering Which Enneagram Type You are?
I found that free tests helped me, like the ones from the Enneagram Institute and Cloverleaf. I read some books, like the standard one from The Enneagram Institute, and even listened to all the songs by Sleeping At Last. Just go with the one that resonates–bonus points if you cry, like I did, because you feel seen! Also, feel free to watch YouTube videos, like Abbey Howe’s channel, where she talks about all the types!
And Once You Know…
Please feel free to check out my shop, which features t-shirts that fit your type! Check out this article here to learn more about the enneagram, and the shop here! 🙂 Stay tuned for another enneagram post soon–specifically on the enneagram types/the animals that I think represent each one best! Why? Because it’s fun, and a nice way to visually represent each personality type at a glance! 🙂
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