This is for anyone still searching for their place in the world, which may very well be all of us. Placing trust in yourself is tough. And yes, this post also doubles as an English Education major’s lament.
Trusting others with something so big like pinpointing my own struggles and insecurities is tough–but do you know what’s even tougher? Trusting in yourself.
Wasting Time Feeling Defeated
About a year ago, I realized I’d spent far too much time feeling defeated. I went to college with absolutely no idea what major I wanted, and it terrified me. In high school, I loved working on the school newspaper—but interviewing others was a nightmare for a painfully shy girl who hated feeling pushy.
After bouncing from meteorology to philosophy to English 101, I confirmed my love for literature and writing. The arts were my home. But eventually, I had to choose a concentration. Just “English” felt too vague. I had to commit. And so, after much debate, I settled on English Education.
Looking back, I see it so clearly: I used my head when I should have listened to my soul. I chose what I thought was the safe path instead of trust in myself.
Choosing Teaching for the Right—and Wrong—Reasons
My intentions were good. I admired teachers deeply. My late mother was a special education teacher, and I revered her. The idea of inspiring hundreds of children appealed to me. I genuinely like people, and I wanted to make a difference.
But then came student teaching.
Spoiler alert: I am not a great disciplinarian. Anyone who knows me knows I’m pretty docile. Middle schoolers… are not. Let’s just say I survived—barely.
Oh, the irony I see now in my high school newspaper days! Those interviews that made me feel like a pushy person didn’t hold a candle to the pushiness that was required in being a teacher. Most students don’t have the automatic drive that I did as a kid—they need a lot of structure and a lot of constant encouragement. The very skill I disliked in journalism turned out to be one of the most important skills in teaching.
I can laugh now, but I was devastated then. My “safe” plan was crumbling.
The Job Hunt and the Slow Unraveling
Despite everything, I graduated with honors and dove into job applications. I was determined—laser focused—even though I was personally miserable. Looking back, I admire my passion, even if it was misdirected.
Through the anxiety, the late nights, and the constant pushing, I finally realized something important: I desperately wanted to be something I wasn’t. I wasn’t listening to my gut or my soul. I wanted to inspire others, yes—but teaching wasn’t my canvas.
And still, my respect for teachers only grew. Their multitasking, patience, and long hours for moderate pay deserve far more appreciation.
But after countless interviews and a year of no offers, I felt defeated. For years, I saw my lack of a teaching job as personal failure. I questioned my worth, my direction, my purpose. I leaned heavily on my husband and family—who have been endlessly supportive, even when I’ve needed pep talk after pep talk. I thank God for them daily.
Where I Am Now: Finally Trusting My Soul
So, where am I now on this journey of self-discovery?
These days, I lie awake at night not from anxiety—but from inspiration. When I write, whether it’s an article, a novel, or a journal entry, I feel at home. Writing is my passion. Where it leads doesn’t matter right now.
For the first time, I’m choosing to trust my soul–and if you’re reading this because you’re struggling to trust yours, here’s a gentle reminder: your inner voice is worth listening to. It may be quiet, unsure, or buried under years of expectations, but it’s still yours. And it can still guide you.
You deserve to trust yourself, too.
Some Topics for Discussion
Do you have trouble trusting yourself? Have you had a few trials and tribulations along the way to finding your place in the world? Does anyone else almost regret getting an English degree? Haha–no worries, I kid, I kid. Kinda. Leave a comment below ⬇️
A Lil’ Disclaimer about comments:
This blog is meant to be a springboard for discussions on some tough topics. It’s so easy to feel alone, but you’re not!
That hurt you feel? Someone knows it, too.
It doesn’t mean your hurt is less important. It means that you’ve got someone out there that is bound to understand. At least a little.
Things can get tricky. Not all people are kind. But most are just trying to survive.
It’s important to honor the nuances in what someone else is going through, too. Your experience is your own.
It’s complicated, yes.
I’m happy to encourage others to share their stories. Like on any other platform, vulnerability comes with risks. Don’t share unless you feel comfortable. You can count on me in the meantime to put it all out there. 😅
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