Failure is the worst, isn’t it?
Following my heart seems so impossible at times. I’ve questioned, I’ve doubted, and I’ve rationalized my way through all the reasons I do not deserve my dreams. That I do not deserve what I sense is the truth that I’ve felt in the depths of my soul since I was a child.
It’s hard for me to see things appropriately when I’m caught in a web of roadblocks that don’t even exist in the present time. I’ve made it a habit to put on the brakes far before I’ve even pushed the gas pedal. [Wait a sec. That sounds similar to the lyrics in “Waving through a Window” in Dear Evan Hanson, lol. That’s ok. Those who know, know. 😉 ] When I sensed there was a slight possibility of failure, I halted production. Why? I thought I was protecting myself.
I know what “failure” feels like. I’ve never liked the word failure, and for good reason. It is such an ugly word—but there is so much more to it than that, of course. Before I experienced what I would call failure, I didn’t like the word because it seemed like such a harsh label. Failure is the foil to success. It implies finality. It means abandonment…giving up.
That was always the issue I’ve had with the word failure. It felt permanent. I realize now, of course, as I’ve been able to simmer on the prospect of being said failure in a few endeavors of my life, that failure is not at all final. It’s a process. A process that is sometimes the ultimate catalyst for imperative changes that may (or may not) constitute success.
Reframing “Failure”
When I was left to marinade (forgive the food analogies—I happen to love food) on the fact that I needed to accept defeat—let go—and move on, it took me years to finally let it sink in. It was time for me to drop one goal and replace it with a new one. I had to allow myself to move my focus away from my initial goal. I had to stop being stubborn. I had to be honest with myself.
I thought that if I stepped away from this goal, then I would be accepting failure. This was not ok with me. I was not someone who easily relented. But there I was…passionately trying to push forward with no real feeling in my heart backing up my actions. I was trying to be someone I really wasn’t. I thought it was a challenge…something healthy for me to pursue. But I was wrong—it wasn’t my true passion.
Ok, ok…I’ll admit. Through this process of life, I’ve actually come to dispute the word “success” as well. What makes a person successful? I believe it means something different for every person.
To me, success is about the relationships I have in my life—the love I share and receive from my most trusted family and friends. But I also see success in persevering–in continuing to reach for something even if there is a setback. There is also grace in accepting the world in all its beauty, contradictions, and difficulties. I now embrace failure with the promise of a lesson learned–and the chance to see that even when things can be overwhelming, right now, at this moment, all really is well. Failure is not the end.
Some Topics for Discussion
This blog is meant to be a springboard for discussions on some tough topics. It’s so easy to feel alone, but you’re not!
That hurt you feel? Someone knows it, too.
It doesn’t mean your hurt is less important. It means that you’ve got someone out there that is bound to understand. At least a little.
Things can get tricky. Not all people are kind. But most are just trying to survive.
It’s important to honor the nuances in what someone else is going through, too. Your experience is your own.
It’s complicated, yes.
I’m happy to encourage others to share their stories. Like on any other platform, vulnerability comes with risks. Don’t share unless you feel comfortable. You can count on me in the meantime to put it all out there. 😅
How do you view failure? Is it necessary to keep going? Have you ever learned an important lesson because of it? Did you keep moving on, or is it still a struggle? I know I still feel the struggle!
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