Facing the Tough Stuff

Hi all!

Something has been weighing on me. If you’ve read a few of my posts, you might be thinking, “Well, obviously.” Lol. I know…there’s a lot of existential dread and sorrow and all kinds of heavy stuff.

I have been thinking…Am I overdoing it with the posts about pain, sadness, and doubt? I’m going to say…kinda?

But not really. I’ll refer back to my “Skip to Content” post to conclude that all this tough stuff needs to be faced first.

Sorry. 😬 But also…not really. WE’VE GOT THIS. As they say in the therapy community, we can do hard things. It’s time to face the tough stuff.

I love peace, happiness, and hope. Those feelings often come organically. But I’d love for you to consider a new perspective: sometimes, they are the results of allowing the hurt beneath to be acknowledged. Not antidotes. 

I know that’s a lot to unpack. Let me explain. 

Anxiety and uncertainty are part of experiencing life…not in spite of it. 

I should know. I’ve masked my pain by ignoring it and covering it up with feelings that weren’t honest. The prettier, “good” ones needed to be the only feelings I would experience.

That’s not brave. That’s just avoiding the issues that these unpleasant feelings we’re trying to express in the first place. The warning signs that something needed to be done to heal. 

Instead of doing something about it, I denied that there was any hurt at all and pretended all was well. No effort to change, simply because I didn’t realize that there were things that needed my attention.

By only accepting the “good” feelings, I was missing out on growing and giving myself compassion for being a person who experiences all of life, not just the pleasant parts.

Maybe I’ve felt compelled to speak out loud that hurt does exist…and you are allowed to–no, I’d say you must–address it. 

It’s your responsibility not to judge it, either. That definitely doesn’t help. Again, I’ve done that countless times, too.

So please. Don’t do what I’ve done. Let yourself feel the worst sometimes. It catches up to you if you don’t. Usually many years later.

So go ahead. Cry. Allow the anger to come (just don’t hurt yourself or others, please). Don’t feel ashamed that you’ve been fighting for so long, either. Like me, your bravery just needed a little tweaking.

And if it’s not safe to come to this point yet, don’t force it. Only you know when you’re ready. It’s okay.

Please allow me to offer a hopeful part to this tough period: you are now awake to the most scary scenario that life is not always pain-free. And maybe that’s not a bad thing. And maybe you already knew that waaayy before me. 😅

This is the only true, authentic path to healing. The acknowledgment phase, if you will–the waking up, as they say in the enneagram community. Time to face the tough stuff.

I said enough to numbing myself to “avoid” pain. By ignoring it, I was actually making it stronger. 🤯

Enough.

But please note…this is only the beginning of healing, at least in my experience. And, as they say, growth really isn’t linear. It’s all about the new seasons! Winter may not be our favorite season, but it sure has its beauty that no one can deny!

This subject is so vast, I want to do part two! And yes, it will be on the fun subject of suffering. I know, I know…more heavy stuff. Please just bear with me. This next part is just as important as this one.

Note: If you or someone you know is in immediate distress, please reach out for professional help. You can call or text 988 in the US and Canada to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at any time.

Some Topics for Discussion

Do you also sweep things “under the rug?” Is there an unpleasant feeling that you’ve avoided for a long time? Has ignoring some feelings actually helped you in the past? Note: Not all feelings need analysis–some just pop up. Leave a comment below ⬇️

A Lil’ Disclaimer about comments:

This blog is meant to be a springboard for discussions on some tough topics. It’s so easy to feel alone, but you’re not! 

That hurt you feel? Someone knows it, too. 

It doesn’t mean your hurt is less important. It means that you’ve got someone out there that is bound to understand. At least a little.

Things can get tricky. Not all people are kind. But most are just trying to survive.

It’s important to honor the nuances in what someone else is going through, too. Your experience is your own.

It’s complicated, yes.

I’m happy to encourage others to share their stories. Like on any other platform, vulnerability comes with risks. Don’t share unless you feel comfortable. You can count on me in the meantime to put it all out there. 😅