By Christie Craven
‘Let’s discuss the shoulds, the maybes, the coulds, the pluses!’
–Anxiety
Anxiety is a fly, but it's also so much worse,
It infiltrates your mind almost like a curse.
It holds on to your thoughts, holds them hostage, and then
Projects them onto a screen, and replays it again and again.
When you think you've had enough, the damage is not done,
The fly keeps buzzing toward your light and causes you to run.
No time to focus- no time to act,
Just worry about its next attack.
Forget yourself, forget your path, forget the deafening sound...
Perhaps surrendering to its persistence is the only way to get around.
"But how? But why? But when?" The fly constantly buzzes,
"Let's discuss the shoulds, the maybes, the coulds, the pluses!"
I finally stopped running, stopped ignoring, and only then,
I asked the buzzing nuisance what it wanted again.
"I've been concerned, you see. You must listen," it said.
"You've been so confused, so unsteady...you can't get to bed!"
I sighed and explained that it can't tell me what I already know,
Now leave me alone so I can figure out my own way to grow.
I continued to think, and think, and think,
But nothing new appeared to me, just a subtle "clink, clink, clink."
It was the fly, of course, still buzzing around,
Hitting its body on the light of my lamp with the most irritating sound.
The fly kept buzzing, burrowing, and refusing to stop,
He bumped into my couch and my granite countertop.
And finally, I realized I'd never escape,
I sighed, I closed my eyes, and I wait.
Still, the buzzing went on and on, but I decided enough was enough.
I reached for the swatter-- squashing it shouldn't be so tough!
I felt a surge of power, but it was replaced with guilt,
"Fine, go ahead," it said. But my head tilts.
Its tiny body cowered, bracing for the blow,
I hesitated and looked down at its harmlessness below.
I loosened my grip and dropped the weapon,
Was I getting anywhere with my attempts to threaten?
I stared at its defeated eyes, its fluttering wings,
Surely, there is more danger from lesser things.
It noticed my hesitation and then,
It decided to speak to me again.
"I'm merely a messenger," it said.
"Just listen and act, then I won't fill you with dread."
"You're Anxiety!" I cried.
It was out...it was there, nowhere to hide.
"I just want to leave. Let me out," it suggested.
But I was previously stubborn, you see; I couldn't be bested.
"Now that you hear me, you can simply open the door."
"You won't have to listen to my buzzing anymore."
Wish I could, I thought. It's so irritating.
I already tried violence and endless waiting.
Maybe it's time I accept this fly was telling the truth,
I took a deep breath and gave up my pursuit.
I opened a window, just as it asked.
I acknowledge my hurt, my pain, but allow it to pass.
"I'll be back," it assured, "but you don't need me for now."
I didn't love that, but just knew I'd be better somehow.
I closed my eyes, and at that moment, it's true,
I could breathe and live...anxiety was meant to go through.
The buzzing ended.
Some Topics for Discussion
How do you view anxiety? What do you think this poem means? Does it make sense, or is it like a fly… just all over the place? lol. Leave a comment below ⬇️
A Lil’ Disclaimer about comments:
This blog is meant to be a springboard for discussions on some tough topics. It’s so easy to feel alone, but you’re not!
That hurt you feel? Someone knows it, too.
It doesn’t mean your hurt is less important. It means that you’ve got someone out there that is bound to understand. At least a little.
Things can get tricky. Not all people are kind. But most are just trying to survive.
It’s important to honor the nuances in what someone else is going through, too. Your experience is your own.
It’s complicated, yes.
I’m happy to encourage others to share their stories. Like on any other platform, vulnerability comes with risks. Don’t share unless you feel comfortable. You can count on me in the meantime to put it all out there. 😅
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