I am a homemaker. Let’s break that word down: home plus maker. In its simplicity, it’s actually a very clear description of what it means to have this role. I make our house into a home. I cook and I clean. But there is so much more to being a “stay-at-home person.” And sometimes, it’s hard to describe the role of a homemaker, let alone accept my identity as one.
Just to clarify: I am not a mother—not a stay-at-home mom. I have immense respect for those who choose to have children and parent full-time. Children are not easy to raise, and caring for them day in and day out is a hefty task indeed. I’m not saying this as if it’s abstract knowledge—I know stay-at-home parents are often underestimated by society (seriously, what is wrong with you, society?). I have nephews and nieces, and oh, boy—do four-year-olds ever stop moving for longer than ten minutes at a time?
Whenever someone asks me, “What do you do?” a part of me goes into defense mode. I search my mind for the right answer. One time, my dentist asked me this question and I panicked. I said, “I’m a stay-at-home…” and trailed off. She mentioned she had three kids, and I laughed awkwardly. I had to correct myself. Nothing to be ashamed of—right?
I told her I was a homemaker, and that was that. It wasn’t a big deal. But suddenly, there wasn’t much to talk about—at least nothing that felt easy to explain in one short conversation. So, how can I accept my identity as a homemaker if I’m so worried about everyone else’s opinion?
Worrying Too Much About What Others Think
I often try to imagine how others view my career choice. To be honest, I think many people see it negatively. I imagine them viewing me as a time-waster. I know—I’m hard on myself. And I’m sorry to my fellow homemakers for even thinking this way. This is simply how I’ve felt at times. I know it isn’t accurate, because I’ve found homemaking to be deeply rewarding—and the opposite of wasting time.
I should explain something about myself: I don’t get bored easily, and I can handle a good amount of time alone. That doesn’t mean, however, that I never get lonely.
Homemakers are a quiet breed. I know I’m not the only homemaker in America who—gasp—doesn’t have children, but I don’t personally know anyone else like me. Why are we so silent? Is it because we’re always at home? For me, that’s not true at all. Despite my own reclusive tendencies, my husband is anything but. He loves going out and has endless energy. I marvel at it. Because of him, I know many homemakers get out and engage with the world—and not just on grocery store runs.
Homemaking can be glorious. The responsibilities can be done at the homemaker’s discretion, and there is space to explore hobbies that might otherwise be pushed aside. Honestly—I’ve got it made.
What Am I Complaining About?
It is an amazing role. But I have to admit—it comes with so much judgment. Even when no one says anything directly, you can feel it. I’ve been asked by well-meaning friends, “What do you do all day?”—interestingly, often while they were drunk. I don’t think they had the courage to ask otherwise. That question used to sting. It used to hurt my ego and my feelings.
But the insecurity underneath it all? That existed long before any nosy comment. At the core was a deeper question: What is my time worth?
It’s worth something. I am there for my family when they need me. I care for our home. I’m a shoulder to cry on. An avid baker one day, a party planner the next. All the things. And I’m learning to carry this identity with pride. Even if others don’t approve, I am loved by the people who matter most.
I see now that much of my struggle with identifying as a homemaker came from my own expectations—not society’s alone. I feel incredibly privileged to be in this position. What is more important than a home? Well, the people inside it, of course. I am a steward of our home. It’s time I see it for the treasure it truly is.
Resources for Homemakers Struggling With Identity, Anxiety, or Self-Worth
If you’re a homemaker who struggles with anxiety, identity confusion, or feeling “less than,” you are not alone. These resources may help you feel more grounded, validated, and supported:
Mental Health & Identity Support
- Psychology Today – Articles on identity, self-worth, and anxiety related to nontraditional career paths
- The Anxiety Toolkit by Alice Boyes – Practical strategies for managing anxious thoughts tied to self-judgment
- Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff – Research-based tools for reframing worth beyond productivity
Reframing Worth & Purpose
- Journaling prompts focused on values rather than output
- Therapy or counseling, especially approaches that address identity, anxiety, and societal pressure
- Books on redefining success outside of hustle culture
If you’re questioning your value because of how you contribute to the world, please remember this: your worth is not determined by a job title, income, or how easily your role can be explained in small talk. Homemaking is real work—and so is learning to accept yourself.
Note: If you or someone you know is in immediate distress, please reach out for professional help. You can call or text 988 in the US and Canada to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at any time.
Some Topics for Discussion
What do you think? Do you like the direction social interaction is going? What are the pitfalls of social media and digital communication? And what are the pros? Do you struggle with digital communication anxiety? Leave a comment below ⬇️
A Lil’ Disclaimer about comments:
This blog is meant to be a springboard for discussions on some tough topics. It’s so easy to feel alone, but you’re not!
That hurt you feel? Someone knows it, too.
It doesn’t mean your hurt is less important. It means that you’ve got someone out there that is bound to understand. At least a little.
Things can get tricky. Not all people are kind. But most are just trying to survive.
It’s important to honor the nuances in what someone else is going through, too. Your experience is your own.
It’s complicated, yes.
I’m happy to encourage others to share their stories. Like on any other platform, vulnerability comes with risks. Don’t share unless you feel comfortable. You can count on me in the meantime to put it all out there. 😅
Leave a Reply