How can you trust yourself again when you’ve become your own worst critic?
My armpits produce massive amounts of sweat. I have breakouts in random parts of my face. I grind my teeth at night. It’s embarrassing. It’s annoying. But—it’s just a part of me. None of these quirks or flaws compares to the most glaring imperfection of them all. It’s not cosmetic, and it has nothing to do with body parts.
It’s my bully.
Yes, you read that right. It’s the bully built into me—the voice that criticizes me at every turn. The voice that doubts my existence, doubts the point of any of my goals, and continuously whispers no or don’t bother…because nothing will come of it anyway.
If you’ve ever struggled with anxiety or had trouble trusting yourself, this kind of inner voice may feel familiar.
Meeting the Inner Critic
I’ve been lying to myself all these years. I convinced myself that not trying would protect me from hurt. If I didn’t put myself out there, I wouldn’t have to suffer another round of rejection or disappointment.
Well…that wasn’t true.
Instead of facing an external critic, I became my own worst one.
It’s not that I think I’m incapable or repulsive. It’s that a rapid-fire round of twenty questions shows up every time I think about trying something new.
When I student taught (I never became an official teacher, but that’s another story), I learned to anticipate any possible problem before it existed–and then squash it. Or, after going through every hypothetical scenario, I had to craft multiple solutions—just to prove I had thought of everything and wasn’t the cause of the inevitable issue.
When Planning Becomes Paralysis
As a result, I’ve become a scenario-churning homebody who freezes at the thought of making a wrong move. Harsh? Yes, it’s harsh. But that harshness is exactly how the inner bully talks.
And if you also struggle to trust yourself, you may know exactly how it feels to hesitate until you’re stuck.
So I wondered…what could help me step into a world of acceptance—or even gratitude—for future mistakes I know are inevitable? (As much as I’d still love to squash them out of existence.)
Honestly? I’m not always sure.
Why “Just Ignore It” Doesn’t Work
I’ve told myself to just ignore the little guy. To tell that silly voice to shut up already. But the doubt, the fear, the hesitation—they’re all a wall of insecurities struggling to protect me from what feels like a wrecking ball of real rejection, real disappointment, and real failure.
And that’s the strange part I’ve learned: my bully has taken on the role of protector.
Weird, right?
I built up all these excuses—these insecurities—to prevent heartache. But instead, I set myself up for nothing before I even attempted something. If you’ve ever struggled with self-trust or anxiety, this might feel painfully familiar: the inner critic tries to keep you safe…by keeping you small.
Learning to Take Back the Club (I’ll explain in a minute, lol)
So I guess this passage is my declaration: I’m done letting that bully take over. It’s time for me to be the bouncer to my internal bully. This faux gatekeeper of my fragile heart can take a seat.
I’m allowed to try.
I’m allowed to dream.
And for goodness’ sake, I’m allowed to be wrong.
Thanks, unnamed bully, for being a misguided protector for a while. But I’m taking over now—and if you’re reading this because you struggle with trusting yourself, maybe this can be the moment you take over, too.
If You Have Trouble Trusting Yourself, You’re Not Alone
I don’t have the perfect answer. I’m still figuring it out. But here’s what has been helping me take small steps forward—and maybe it can help you, too:
- Notice when the inner bully shows up. Awareness loosens its grip.
- Question whether it’s fear pretending to be “logic.” Often it is.
- Give yourself permission to try anyway. Not succeed—just try.
- Start with very small acts of courage. You don’t need a life overhaul.
- Talk kindly to yourself, even if it feels unnatural. Warmth quiets fear.
- Remember that mistakes don’t define your worth. They shape growth, not identity.
No one gets through life without missteps. Learning to trust yourself again is a slow, gentle process—not a switch you flip.
Sources
- American Psychological Association — Understanding Anxiety and Negative Self-Talk
- Kristin Neff, PhD — Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself
- Brené Brown — The Gifts of Imperfection
- Tara Brach, PhD — Radical Acceptance
- National Institute of Mental Health — Anxiety Disorders Overview
Note: If you or someone you know is in immediate distress, please reach out for professional help. You can call or text 988 in the US and Canada to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at any time.
Some Topics for Discussion
Do you struggle to tell your inner bully to bounce? Have you felt that it’s easier to stay inactive instead of trying because your inner critic gave you many reasons to stay fearful? Leave a comment below ⬇️
A Lil’ Disclaimer about comments:
This blog is meant to be a springboard for discussions on some tough topics. It’s so easy to feel alone, but you’re not!
That hurt you feel? Someone knows it, too.
It doesn’t mean your hurt is less important. It means that you’ve got someone out there that is bound to understand. At least a little.
Things can get tricky. Not all people are kind. But most are just trying to survive.
It’s important to honor the nuances in what someone else is going through, too. Your experience is your own.
It’s complicated, yes.
I’m happy to encourage others to share their stories. Like on any other platform, vulnerability comes with risks. Don’t share unless you feel comfortable. You can count on me in the meantime to put it all out there. 😅
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