I’m learning more about myself. My perspective has changed. I’ve worked on challenging my tendencies to “be small,” not assert myself, and hide in a comfort cocoon. I clearly find great solace in caring for others’ needs and keeping the peace, but somewhere along the line, I discovered that I am worth space. This is something my husband (and apparently the other Peacemakers in my life–my sister AND brother-in-law) all have been trying to help me through. I have been trying to wake up for years and have been somewhat successful, but at times I lack focus when I have a setback.
Rejection is a part of my life that stuffs me back into a corner. Although I find that when I’ve taken a stand against certain situations in my life that were not right for me (grocery store baker, teaching), I spent years/months criticizing myself for not just “going along with it” anyway. I get that now. I thought it was a failure, but it was actually me seeing the truth of myself. It’s great that I really did put my heart into it! And it’s ok that it didn’t work for me.
It’s Time for a Change
Now, I want to set goals for myself. Now that I remember who I am, I really want to put my strengths to good use…not become asleep to it. I am uncertain of how to do this, but it comes back to the present. If I continue to keep myself grounded, I can take action in that moment when it is appropriate.
I see that if I want to write…write, like I am now. If I want to work on a project for the house…that’s great. Do it. But I can’t keep dwelling on guilt when time and again I’ve done what I’ve had to do, especially when it comes to being there for my husband. I love that responsibility! And he does the same in return.
I just wish to branch out a little further, which scares me, but I’ve already been slowly but surely taking these steps. I have been reaching out to others I haven’t in a while, even if it’s just a small post on Facebook. There were two people in the last month that reached out on an online forum for mental health concerns. I went ahead and recommended an online counseling service. I didn’t post anonymously…I openly shared the fact that I sought counseling, and I’m grateful for it. It would mean a lot to me if my encouragement meant something to someone. I don’t know if it made a difference, but I’m glad I did it anyway.
And yes, I am crying now…only a little. I was worried about my unsettled feelings lately, but I’m not really sad anymore. It’s no wonder I’m overwhelmed. There is so much that has come to light in these last few months. In this struggle of changes and rattling my comfort zone, I’ve been literally finding more pieces of myself–and what is so wonderful about it is that I like what I’m finding.
Some Topics for Discussion
Have you been on a journey of self-discovery? Have you challenged yourself to make some new, uncomfortable changes? Does it seem like those changes are bringing you closer to the person you truly want to be? Leave a comment below ⬇️
A Lil’ Disclaimer about comments:
This blog is meant to be a springboard for discussions on some tough topics. It’s so easy to feel alone, but you’re not!
That hurt you feel? Someone knows it, too.
It doesn’t mean your hurt is less important. It means that you’ve got someone out there that is bound to understand. At least a little.
Things can get tricky. Not all people are kind. But most are just trying to survive.
It’s important to honor the nuances in what someone else is going through, too. Your experience is your own.
It’s complicated, yes.
I’m happy to encourage others to share their stories. Like on any other platform, vulnerability comes with risks. Don’t share unless you feel comfortable. You can count on me in the meantime to put it all out there. 😅
Leave a Reply