Have you ever felt so lost that you didn’t know where to begin? Have you struggled with feeling stuck? Do you feel like you’ve worked so hard on yourself for so long, but just can’t seem to break that barrier into true growth? Me too! I felt this way. So … I finally went to therapy. I’m so glad I did because I was introduced to a very valuable resource–the enneagram.
So what is the enneagram? I’m sure you’ve seen the symbol before–to some, it looks a little bit like a pentagram, but it most certainly is not. It’s a circle surrounded by nine different numbers, each representing a personality type. Lines connect different numbers, but more on that later.
The Gut Punch
What I love about the enneagram is that it doesn’t hold back. I’m typically a person who appreciates being gently led to certain conclusions, particularly because I am sensitive and already pretty self-critical (hello type 1 wing!), but I appreciated the no-holds-barred approach the enneagram has to speak to the truth and getting to the nitty gritty. With brutal force, the more sentences I would read about my particular type, the more embarrassment I felt–– but also, more importantly, the more I felt seen.
Many people who talk about the enneagram talk about this “seeness.” The path to self-enlightenment is not easy or the same for anyone. I did not know my type right off the bat. I thought, “I’m a weirdo–I think I’m pretty much most of these types.” I wasn’t necessarily wrong. Most people have a little of every type in them. But … there is only one type that truly speaks to your motivations. And this is the most valuable information. It’s worth it to do the work to find the core personality type that is you.
What’s My Type?
Like many, I took a test to narrow it down and found out that I could be a 6, 9, 2, or 4. I even took another test, where I somehow got type 1. Ok…that’s a lot to sift through. I focused on researching mainly the 6 and 9 types, and what I found out was pretty eye-opening.
At first, I assumed that I was probably a 6 since that was my highest score. I looked through the descriptions of that type and related very well to it. I thought I found my type … my home base.
But as time went on, I realized that I wasn’t so sure the fears and desires of type 6 fit in with my motivations in everyday life. Sixes are extremely hard-working and dutiful. I loved the thought that this could be me. But 6s are also prone to worst-case scenario thinking and anxiety. I could definitely relate to the latter.
Feeling Like I Found My Home
I focused on looking at my life not just by how I was operating presently (basically, characteristics of the 6), but also at how I’ve typically been operating throughout my life. At this point, I didn’t recognize the characteristics of the 9 in me. Nines are typically peaceful, easy-going, and optimistic. I remember reading it and thinking, “Oh, that would be nice if this were me. I like this person.” Laughably, I was not putting it together that those character traits were me.
Without getting into too much, the time I went to therapy was a moment when I felt anxious, defeated, and completely overwhelmed by negative thoughts. The opposite of an average nine. I was experiencing a time of disintegration and moving toward an average to unhealthy personality type six. It’s not a bad thing. It’s good–the place your personality type goes to help keep yourself from becoming more unhealthy during stressful times.
Through my research, a ton of soul searching, and much embarrassment, I found out that I’m–spoilers–a nine–aka a Peacemaker.
Doors of Knowledge
I had no idea what doors of knowledge this would open for me once I understood my personality type. I found out that the enneagram was not just some fun “personality typology” that I would treat as casually as an astrological report–it was an incredible tool for me to understand the motivations behind my actions. By knowing my true desire and fear, I was better able to make the important changes so that I could move forward positively in my life. Self-awareness is truly one of the most important keys to unlocking the greatest potential in yourself.
Interested in Which Type You Are? More resources for the Enneagram
- Cloverleaf: https://cloverleaf.me/enneagram-instagram
- Truity: http://truity.com
- The Enneagram Institute: https://www.enneagraminstitute.com/
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